Bruised Ego and Dating at 46

So there was this man. I liked him. I enjoyed his company. At first, I was unsure about even dating and then I couldn’t stop thinking about the conversations we’d had and the sweet text messages that had led up to our first date. I gave it another try and found myself kissing him, really laughing with him and I loved the way his hand felt on my thigh. His fingers were so warm, tender and strong.

There were a few hangouts and a few conversations over the course of two months. There wasn’t really much there. He left me feeling confused with the intermittent messages and calls. All along I think I knew he just wasn’t that into me. I just didn’t want to see it, I liked having him in my life. His actions didn’t match his words, ever. I wanted so much more. I like the idea of having so much more. I can’t even say that I wanted the “more” with him. I’m not even sure he was my type. I was trying to stay open and non-judgmental. I have no idea what my type is and I’m looking for something different this time around.

I know he was out with someone else last night. I think finally knowing why his actions and his words didn’t match up bruised my ego, slightly. He wasn’t that into me and that is okay. Dating at 46 is no different then dating at 16 or 26. Not everyone is going to be into you. Not everyone is going to be a match. My next soulmate was not going to be the first guy I dated after 15 long months of not dating. He was a starting point. Still, my ego is bruised.

I left the door the open for clear communication and honesty, two things I truly value. He chose not to use that door. He chose to leave me in the dark and guessing. I know clear communication and honesty will come with someone who values me.

I could tell you all the things I didn’t like, the things that didn’t match up between us….but it wouldn’t matter. I loved the attention I got from him when I got it. I loved putting my toe back into the dating pool. I was scared and hesitant and not sure I was ready. So, thank you for showing me I was, thank you for being so kind to me and thank you for giving me exactly what I needed.

I learned from you. And, that’s my Silver Lining…..

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