Staying Present

March 3, 2018

 

A year ago today I met this handsome man.  What I’m about to tell you is not a love story or a fairytale romance.  What I’m about to tell you is not how we fell in love at first sight or thought we couldn’t live without each other.  What I’m about to tell you is true and honest and real.  I’m going to share with you my journey of growth, staying present and how this man absolutely became my best friend.  

It all started at a local sushi place.  One of my best friends thought we should meet.  We were both single, both available and we both needed a sidekick to have fun and enjoy.  The lunch was met with great hesitation on my part but with the encouragement from my friend (and the fact that she would be joining us), I begrudgingly went.  Lunch was lunch.  Nice guy.  I texted him later to say “Thank you” and that was that!  (FYI….there was NO response to my “Thank you”!!) 

A few weeks went by and he called.  He asked if I could meet him out for a drink or dinner.  Honestly, I let the voicemail sit for about an hour before I responded.  I went.  I had decided that I should give people a chance.  My friend still couldn’t stop raving about how awesome he was and how much of a gentleman he was.  “He would make a GREAT friend” she said!  A week later we spent an entire evening just texting and it got a little flirty.  I believe we may have texted a little off and on for another week or so and then I invited him to my birthday party.  I was throwing myself a party and thought if I could flirt a little in real life…even better!  

My birthday party was perfect, the kiss on my balcony was perfect….the night…perfect!  

 

And that’s when it happened……I lost it….I totally lost it….all the work I’d been doing on myself…all my self love….all my staying present…went right OUT THE WINDOW!  

 

I spent the next 5 months falling in love, waiting for his call, his text, his next action plan…all in my head trying to figure out what it meant for the long run.  What was he REALLY saying, what did he REALLY mean, when was he going to fall in love with me?!?  Seriously, I wanted to tell myself to get a grip!  Instead I kept on playing it cool like I wasn’t thinking all those thoughts.  I wasn’t waiting on every word, every action, every phone call.  And, LET ME BE CLEAR…those 5 months were BEYOND FANTASTIC!  He challenged me, treated me like a queen, laughed with me, danced with me (in the kitchen, no less!), spent amazing time with me and enjoyed the present.  He wasn’t looking for much more than right here, right now.  

 

It ended.  On September 2 (my deceased husband’s birthday…double whammy)…it ended.  All because I couldn’t stay present.  He felt my ENERGY.  He knew it MADE me happy when he called (which made him uneasy).   He knew I was waiting for the commitment, for the “I Love You” and he KNEW he wasn’t ready!!  I was heartbroken.  Beyond heartbroken.  I’d been having panic attacks because he wasn’t behaving the way I wanted him to.  I’d get myself all worked up doing the “What If’s”…after all, one dead husband and one dead boyfriend can do that to you…but I had worked on myself…I had DONE the work!  What the hell was happening? 

 

The next 6 weeks were hell.  I cried.  I screamed.  I tried to find myself again.  And, OMG….I had to DO the WORK….ALL OVER AGAIN!!  A few of the things I learned:  

 

  1. I didn’t break. 

  2. I can recover. 

  3. I should ALWAYS put myself first

  4. Stay present

  5. My friends are some of the most important people in my life. 

  6. Be grateful.

  7. Choose LOVE everyday.

 

These lessons were learned after the death of my husband and again, after the death of my boyfriend.  They are good reminders of how to stay to true to myself, how to love myself and how to accept things just as they are (as long as they work for me)!  

 

After those 6 LONG, PAINFUL weeks…we began to talk again.  It was slow and thoughtful.  I missed him and his friendship.  He had become someone I truly valued.  I wanted to value and appreciate him and all he brought to the table but I needed stay present with right where we were.  

 

Which brings me to where we are today.  I have this amazing, handsome, thoughtful, caring and loving man in my life.  I adore everything about him.  He is my BEST FRIEND. I don’t know where this friendship will lead and that’s okay.  I love him for who he is and right where he is….I appreciate all of him…I am staying present and enjoying the moment.  I CHOOSE to live life this way.  Pure joy. Pure love. Pure, amazing energy.  I am all to aware that it can disappear in a heartbeat. 

 

Stay present, my peeps.  It’s a beautiful thing! 

 

Peace, Love and Silver Linings, 

Tanya  

 

You can find me at www.PeaceLoveandSilverLinings.com

Insta:  @peacelovesilverlinings

FB:  https://www.facebook.com/PeaceLoveSilverLinings/

or you can TEXT:  SILVERLININGS to 22828 to join my mailing list and stay informed.  

 

There is more to come starting April 1!  

 

 

#peacelovesilverlinings #widow #lifecoach  #createthelifeyoulove  #change #nofear #be #beach #beachwalks #happy #findthesilverlinings #grateful #gratefuleveryday  #courage #continuetolive #continuetolove #livelifetothefullest #fullheart #brave #youvegotthis #youhavetheanswers #allgreatlifecoacheshaveacoach #journal #meditate #meditation #crystals #loveYou the #loveandlight #dance #breathe #justbreathe 

 

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